The Fight - Why I Relay at the Fantasy Faire 2024

 

The fight. 

It came out of the darkness, out of the blue. It came in whispers, in moments of sensation only slightly out of the ordinary. It came in the hesitation, the unexpectedly repeated review, the 'let me just run this past...' on an otherwise idyllic hot summer morning.

 

The fight built from there. From the words. Words known, and heard for others. Cursed and kept at a distance for the irrational fear of contamination. Words now so, so close. Now spoken to you. The fight may have begun from the worry. A preparation, a defence from the depths of soul and spirit, while the conscious mind danced in a syncopated frenzy of distraction, keeping to the rhythm, a beat of desperate hope, 'it might not be... it might not be...' The hope so often severed by the blade of confirmation. Of fear realised.

Other blades follow. The dull and bruising edge of doubt, of remorse for imaginary opportunities missed - for things which could have been done differently. Of course things could always have been done differently, while they also couldn't have been any other way at all. Terror's sharp stabs, slicing to the bone, to the heart, burying the marrow in an avalanche of fear. The rough serration of anxiety, catching and pulling, tearing mind and body from any focus but this one. "What will happen now?" 

The fight becomes a living thing. With a temperature and temperament all it's own, waxing and waning with every encounter, it falters and fails, regroups and rises. It gathers strength when weak, gives strength when even the idea of it feels impossible. It stands alone with you in your isolation, the solitary confinement of the early hours, in the thrum of the crowd at work, in the arms of your loved ones at home. The fight is for you, and in you. Your fight is the fight of all those who came before, of everything learned which has brought you to this point. When you feel you cannot go further, it is the fight that will carry you on, because you do not fight alone. Your fight is with you, and it has teeth. 

The blogger challenge of all blogger challenges. Why I Relay. The most personal, the most difficult for bloggers like me. Those of us who you may get to know by reading our stories, the themes and references we draw on, but nothing clear, nothing obviously us. I'm generally happiest to hide behind my characters - all aspects of me, while keeping who I am, what I think and feel hidden in their shadows. This is the yearly challenge to shine a light on all of that, and it is not a comfortable sensation! In the past I've spoken of those I've loved and lost to cancer. They remain at the heart of why I Relay. In trying not to look at my own past, I can't even be sure if I've shared my own fears, my own experience, my own time hearing that pause, that unexpected extension of an examination, that "let me just run this past..." The terror, the doubt, the anxiety. The appointments, the waiting, the planning for the what ifs for me and those who mattered the most. Life is far from what I expected, from what was promised. The appointments I'd attended, my hand and heart held safe, to having to find the strength to attend these on my own. My plans and the promises made daily to me in tatters, shredded and bloodied, and yet I remain. The fight continued whether I wanted it or not. When I didn't, when I don't, others carried and carry me forward, believing as I did not, that some day it would matter again. I hope to hope they are right. This fight continues, for them, for me. I hope it continues for you. And THAT my loves, is why I Relay. 

Vyl

xxx

RFL Items are 100% Donation to Relay for Life

Halo : :[P]:- Arien Gemhalo RFL Purple

Samsara

Horns : :[P]:- Arien Horns [Swirl-Stars] RFL Purple

Samsara

Hair : Raven Bell - Magnolia Hair F ~Shimmer~

Thunnus Bay

Earrings : :[P]:- Lunin Earring 

Samsara

Eyes : CHIMAERA - 'Lilith' Eyes in Purple

Flamenca

Tattoo: .AngelicUs. -We are coming-  

Ondheim

Wings : :[P]:- Dene Wings Raised RFL

Samsara

Floating companion :   -AxisMundi-Quetzlcoatl-Medium

Hopes Wish

Sword : (Artemisia) )O( Stained Glass Rose Glaive 

Lolliocalypse

Top : [The Forge] Zeta Bra, Gold Lace

Thunnus Bay

Top : [The Forge] Zeta Harness, Gold, Maitreya

Thunnus Bay

Nails : [QE] Leviathan Claws

Last Stop

Belt : Tentacio - Taeyeon belt maitreya turquesa

The Duskfall Court

Pants : :::c*C*c:::JSummer_Pants_Legacy(m) Purple01

Thunnus Bay

Why I Relay - Fantasy Faire 2020

The rumours were true.

The Unweaver had been at work in the world again. Rarely sighted, particularly in these lands where all the beings were so aware, so vigilant. Actions and reactions, events and occurances in the wider world rippled and echoed even here. To Saya, these whispers and rumbles were more tangible. Awaking one morning, a pinprick of light danced across her eyes with the movement of the sun. Light, where there should only have been the comforting regularity of shade, her wings blocking the morning glare. Over the years this pin prick had grown, the threads around it fraying, loosening, coming apart.

Patching and darning had helped for a long time, kept Saya aloft, able to soar across their skies. Each repair took time, some worked better than others. She had long since stopped sewing and embroidering herself, finding each needling created myriad new holes, each capable in turn of damaging her fabric further. Secure in the knowledge that others were working hard, day and night, all over the worlds to find new methods of truly mending what had been damaged, Saya was free to hunt The Unweaver itself. Walking paths well trodden, flying over rough ground, ever searching, ever seeking. Across strange lands she talked with beings, read their reseach, followed their maps. She met those touched by The Unweaver, who had found ways of reworking and remaking, revoking its effects completely. She wept and celebrated with those whose loved ones had been lost. Each encounter was draining. Each encounter was rejuvenating. Each encounter confirmed her understanding and belief, even when she was alone, there were countless souls with her.

Each year, this is the Blogger Challenge that gets to me. The Fantasy Faire is such a big deal for me, I'm proud and blessed to be part of it. It's a visual delight, the people are kind, talented and fun. Running around an ever increasing number of sims, frantically clicking, shopping, listing, landmarking, oohing, aahing etc etc... It's a riot. SO much fun. Then along comes this challenge. Why I Relay. It all just stops. It forces me to refocus, not on the beauty and the shiny, but on the reason behind it all. That's what, without fail every year, makes me cry. Crying is not a bad thing! Feeling the sadness of loss is a conduit to other memories. The sadness is mine. The joys, experiences and love are things shared with those I've lost. Life is hectic, and taking the time to remember can be hard.

So I will do this. Every year. I will take the time to remember, I'll focus on the loss, tears will fall. It is a small small price to pay for the chance to truly remember the people, the joys, experiences and love we shared. I will remember and relive times with Marion, with Helen, with Lesleigh. I will think of those who have beaten, or are living with cancer. I will text. I will make calls. I will reach out. I will be there. And just like that, knowing and feeling all of these things, I can type these words. I'll dry my eyes, and, more likely than not, I'll do another round of the Faire and shop some more.

Doing a little bit, alongside everyone else, we make change. We raise real money to further research into beating cancer. We move forward, and we will do this until there is no Unweaver. No cancer that can't be cured. And then, we'll do it again anyway. Coz like I said... it is SO much fun.

Vyl x

Items shown are 100% donation to Relay for Life.

Hair : AnalogDog - Yoli - Variety
Cassiopeia
Hair Stick : *Naminoke*Torii HairStick #B-FF2020
Auxentios’ Pass
Skin : Ab.Fab skins&Fantasy  - Eir Nightshade Skin
Elemaria
Eyes :  A.D.D.Andel! Galaxy Eyes- RFL
Zodiac
Tattoo : Ab.Fab Lumeria tattoo
Elemaria
Jewellery : CHIMAERA - Fantasy Fair Necklace and Earrings - Gold
Spirit Valley of Kuruk
Outfit : [The Forge]  - Evelyn, Brown
Lamented Fens
Gloves : CKit Falconry  - Leather Riding Gloves_Female_512
Agra Adara
Wings : ::Static:: DaVinci Faewing {Icharus}
Auxentios’ Pass
Poses : Astalianda - Zodiac Fire Signs and Water Signs Pose Sets
Zodiac